I hope it was a good one for you!  I also hope all your birthday wishes came true.

OK, so here I am, 32 days into sobriety.  I have joined a local AA group and love it.  I am going to meetings 7 days a week and just picked up my 30 day chip on Sunday.


I am so proud of the person I am becoming... have had several doubts about life-choices I have made in the past, but don't regret them anymore.  I embrace them and thank the Gods that I made those choices that put me in the position I am in now.  I am excited about the person I will be when I come out on the other side...

I have to write more later, because I am on my way to my salsa/swing/mambo/hustle lessons!!!!!  WOO HOO

Things are looking up.

Kind sir - I would like to wish you a very happy birthday.  I hope it is a good one for you.

I'm so excited that Barack Obama is going to be our next president. His victory last night gave me hope, hope for a new future, hope for a better life for my daughter and my son, hope for my life. It proves that if you want something bad enough and are willing to work really hard to get it then anything is possible. I'm posting this for two reasons: number one - so that I can read it again in the future when I start feeling down and without hope, number two - because I'm just so damn excited that our country has finally come far enough to elect an African-American as the president of the United States of America.

Last night while I was watching the election results with my daughter Caitlin, I was absolutely thrilled that she gets to grow up in a country where these things can happen. This great nation has come so far in the last century that it's hard to believe. What Barack was saying last night, maybe I should rephrase that, what president elect Obama was saying last night about that old woman who was hundred and six years old really moved me. I think it's absolutely wonderful the opportunities that his great achievement will provide for generations to come.

By the way, I'm using my new speech to text program for this entry. It's kind of nice not having to type anything and just be able to talk. This is actually an amazing program it hasn't screwed up once. I didn't even have to tell it how to spell Barack Obama. I think that's cooler than hell.

So I've decided, again, to work my ass off to achieve what it is that I want to achieve in my life. Up until this point when it came to my marriage I was kind of afraid to stand up and fight. But not anymore. I have to do what's best for my children and my family and myself.  And lying back in being a doormat is most certainly not that. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do it when I figure it out - boy will I be doing a happy dance. I know if I pray and think long and hard about this it will come to me, the answer's always come-we just have to hope they come when we need them. Ha ha

All of this goes back to reason number one for this post, to give myself something to read in the future when I feel weak.

mood: hopeful

I am not going to stop talking to my friends, but I am not going to talk about the thing with her and him with them anymore.

Last night after our anniversary dinner, we got into it again about her.  Fought for damn near 3 hours.  But now that she is gone, things will improve.  I just need to keep my mouth shut so that he doesn't make life more difficult for those already alienated by him.  There are quite a few that stand to lose a lot if he were to find out I have been confiding in them.

I have lost 25 pounds and down to 20.7% body fat!

I felt the need to post these today...    Just wanted to give myself another reminder to empower myself and remind me that I am worth it all.

Please don't read anything into it.  I'm certainly not gonna leave D, nor am I thinking about it.

Another Man - Zumanity

You used to be the one
The only man who set my hear on fire
So long ago

You used to be the one
The man who filled my nights with wet desire
Baby, where did we go?

Now it's time
Time to say goodbye
But don't expect
To see me cry

I'm gonna find myself a man
Who's gonna give me everything I want
He's gonna give me everything I need

He will take me in his arms
And when he fills this empty place inside
I won't remember all that we used to be

Now listen...
Too many nights I waited
For a heart that didn't care
So many nights I wasted
Believing in a love that wasn't there

I can't bear another minute
Feels like I'm goin' to explode
There's a fever rising in me
That I just can't control

I can feel it takin' over my body
And it won't let go
Feel it way up inside me
Burning in my soul

You used to be the one
The only man who set my heart on fire
Those days are gone

I'm gonna find myself a man
Who's gonna give me everything I want
He's gonna give me everything I need

(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
My lonely nights are over!
(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
My lonely nights are over!
(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
My lonely nights are over!
(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
My lonely nights are over!
(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
Goodbye! My lonely nights are over!
(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye!
(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
Goodbye my lonely nights are over!
(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
Goodbye lonely nights are over....
(Lonely nights are over, goodbye)
Goodbye

mood: accomplished

Well, I am in Eureka Springs again, only for the weekend though.  Out here all by myself.  LOL

I had told Dave quite some time ago (before he and Laura started taking classes together) that I wish I had time to go off and do the things I wanted to do.  So, he got me a ticket to Eureka to see Di.  Unfortunately, her hubby and son didn't leave for Missouri on time, so I have tonight to myself.  I have been watching the Stargate SG-1 season 10 episodes on my PC and plan to go get dinner here in a bit and visit some local friends.

I was pleased to see that the road to our cabin as been "paved" with rock, rather than the dirt road it was a few months ago.  Certainly cuts down in the dust too!

The rental car is a mustang.  VERY NICE CAR!  Had to keep using cruise control to keep from speeding on the way here.  I haven't driven a mustang since I gave mine back to the bank back in 2000.  I sure love that power!

I was a bit panicked to take this trip - with the home situation the way it was/is.  Although, I have to say, that the spell-work I have done in the last few weeks has really started working.  The work I have done with myself is woking too, to an extent.  I totally freaked out when I landed in Tulsa and couldn't get hold of Dave, Laura and nobody answered at the house either.  I completely flipped.  I was so uspset I was shaking.  But after 20 minutes, I finally got Dave to answer the phone.  I was relieved.  Of course, the worst was running through my mind.  I still wonder a bit if what I thought was happening really was, but I don't know.  There is no way for me to know for sure and I certainly am trying NOT to get upset about something I am unsure I should be upset about.  I always tell everyone not to get upset unless you KNOW you have something to get upset about.  And, I guess I have to just have faith that when I asked the spirits to take care of things, that they did and will.

I also planted some bugs in some ears before I left as well.  Mainly about the spell-work I have done and that I am trusting people not to break that trust and hurt me.  Hopefully, it will work.  If not, there is really nothing I can do about it and unless I can prove it, I am stuck.  So, let the Gods/Goddesses deal with it.  Kharma will take her toll, she always does.  And when she does, it won't be pretty.

Since I have the weekend to myself, I plan to sleep A LOT and visit with friends here in Eureka.  I am not going to drink and I am not going to worry about things back home.  If I cannot have faith in myself as a person, or my marriage and family, then all is lost.  So I have placed my faith in the hands of those above who know all and see all.  I have been doing what is right by everybody and Kharma is on my side.

I also have Eckhart Toole's first book, "The Power or Now" and plan to read quite a bit of it while I am here.  The teachings are helping me a great deal.  I have a long way to go, but if all works out with this trip, and things are improved when I get home, then I am much better off than if I had sat here and worried about shit the whole time.  Life is too precious.  And I really can't do anything from here.  All I can do is hope for the best.  In the meantime, I keep preparing myself for my future - whatever path it may be.  If things go one way, I am ready.  If they go the way I want, then I am still better off than I was before.  So, what have I got to lose?  As long as I keep doing the right thing and being honorable, trustworthy and loving - I am a good person.  Life will respond in kind.

"What we send out comes back"  I am sending out love and happiness and joy and trust and faith and honor.  That is what will come back to me.

"hugs" to all my kindred out there.

location: Eureka Springs, AR mood: peaceful tags: accepting, calm, open, present

Say goodbye to indecision
Leave behind your inhibitions
Unrestrained by moral prisons
We embrace a lustful vision

Bite the apple of salvation
Taste the fruits of liberation
Lose yourself in the sensation and
Come into me

Come into me
Come into me
Come into me
Come into me

Past the point of shame and sorrow
Livin' like there's no tomorrow
Cast a light into your shadows and
Come into me

Drink from this cup
Tear at this tainted flesh
Swallow me up
Served up so fresh
Only for you

Overpowered by temptation
To orgasmic celebration
In this dance of desecration 
We find our religion

Libera me
Exorcisamus te
Omnis spiritus immundus

Feel the power of existence
Overcoming your resistance
Dogma fading in the distance
Come into me

Bite the apple of salvation
Taste the fruits of liberation
Lose yourself in the sensation and
Come into me

Bite the apple
C'mon bite the apple
C'mon bite the apple
C'mon try it

Bite the apple
C'mon bite the apple
C'mon
Come into me

mood: accomplished music: Come Into Me tags: in control, powerful, sexy

 I will not be posting for a while.  I need to wait for things to calm down around here.  A lot is going on that I do not know how to deal with yet.  Until I can look at it rationally, I am not going to post.  I need to get my head on straight.

Everyone know that I am ok.  I am strong and will continue to stay that way.

So, aside from basically going on with my life, my friendships and reading a new book "A New Earth - Awakening to Your Life's Purpose", I have also started doing other things for me.  Tanning salon, etc.  I have lost, as I said before, 17 pounds and found out today that I have lost almost 5% body fat as well.  I'm down to 22.7%.  WOO HOO

I have to laugh about it though, because all Saturday night, and this morning at the gym, people were staring again.  Was nice to have it happen.  I even have a guy at the gym and one at my favorite pub that flirt with me.  LOL  It feels good!

mood: ecstatic

 I'm still waiting for Life to slow down...

 HELP!  Somebody please get that banner with Hillary off my page!!!!!!






I think I'm gonna be ill.

I don't feel like working today.

What I really want to do is crawl in bed and sleep.  Second to that, maybe play Warcraft for a few hours.  *giggle*

 
I mean, hell, this is my third post this morning...